20 Feb 2014

“I Did Not Know That. Ed, Did You Know That?”

Conspiracy 26 Comments

(I used to do a mean impression of Dana Carvey doing Johnny Carson.)

OK, it turns out that people attempting suicide with nail guns–even with multiple shots–is not as unheard-of as some of us thought.

Frequent commenter and thorn in my side Ken B. points us to this example of a guy who apparently attempted suicide by shooting himself 8 times in the head with a nail gun.

Now in my defense, even in this case, the guy had a history of “psychiatric care” and the document says, “Penetrating head injury with nail-gun use is sometimes seen, but cases with multiple nails are rare.” So even on its own terms, if the particular CEO under investigation did indeed kill himself with 7 or 8 nail gun shots to the torso and head (and especially if he hasn’t been in and out of clinics, which we don’t know either way), then it is still an extremely unusual case.

But, Ken B. is right that the coroner’s report is not as patently absurd as I had made it out to be. (I had toyed with saying that this very admission makes me long for a nail gun, but that would be in poor taste I’m thinking.)

Don’t get me wrong, kids, I still think there is something sinister afoot in the financial sector. All I’m doing in this post is letting everyone realize that nail-gun suicide attempts are a real thing.

26 Responses to ““I Did Not Know That. Ed, Did You Know That?””

  1. Anonymous says:

    The job of an unconscious statist is to attack conspiracy theories, especially ones that might implicate the state.

    • Bob Murphy says:

      I’m pretty sure for Ken B. supporting the State is just a hobby.

      • Ken B says:

        No, that really is part of the Krugman-Kuehn-Ken B Konspiracy.

    • Blackadder says:

      Unconscious statist? You mean Ken B has been writing all those comments in his sleep? Impressive.

      • Tel says:

        The dark powers of Canadian whisky.

      • Anonymous says:

        Meant to say subconscious.

        I’m sure there’s a Fred joke in there somewhere.

  2. Test says:


  3. skylien says:

    If I ever were to consider suicide, I guess I would stage a staged suicide…

    • Gamble says:

      Skylien wrote:”If I ever were to consider suicide, I guess I would stage a staged suicide…”

      I watched a crime show in which the battered wife killed herself but made it look like a murder so her mean husband would get locked up.

      • Matt M (Dude Where's My Freedom) says:

        If Ken B dies and there is a business card for the Rothbardian Assassination Corp. attached to his corpse, I will be immediately suspicious…

      • skylien says:

        Tel, Gamble,

        Nice, though it seems those were “mere” staged homicides that should just look like a homicide. Unlike a staged homicide that should look like staged suicide.

        Of course in Tel’s case it might have been a staged suicide that should look like a suicide staging a homicide…

  4. andrew' says:

    Just because a suicidal does something doesnt mean its a good idea. I think you’d want a brain injury to be definitive. 8 tries isn’t that. You’d want to remove each nail so at least you could bleed out agonizingly slowly. But what if the first shot knocks you unconscious? Super painful and unreliable seem like two ways to judge a suicide method poorly. Not to mention messiness and cumborsomeness. Then again no hitman who wasn’t a flaming psychopath would use that method either.

  5. Benjamin Cole says:

    Jeez, this case makes seppuku look pleasant. Eight shots!

    Of course, there are different kinds of nail guns. In my woodworking days, I had a lightweight version from Grizzly that shot skinny brads into pine and whatnot. From there you can go up to roofing guns that look like they belong in Afghanistan.

    BTW, if you have a good nail gun, you will ever be looking for projects to shoot some nails into. Thoomp, thoomp.

    • Andrew' says:

      Ever use the Paslode? Aside from the delay it is a glorious experience.

      • Benjamin Cole says:

        No…but I wish I did.

  6. Ken B says:

    Good on you for the mea culpa Bob.

    • Transformer says:

      Yes, he nailed it.

      • Transformer says:

        Perhaps next he will look at the evidence that stimulus works ?

        • Bob Murphy says:

          Each round of QE is like a nail to the head. Looks like the US can survive up to QE 8.

          • Transformer says:

            QE8 is the one that finally delivers hyper-inflation, right ?

            And then De Long and Krugman will have to reach for the nail guns.

            • Major_Freedom says:

              Pretty sure bad things take place with fiat inflation other than the ultimate end of it.

    • Andrew' says:

      Well, we are talking about possibly the worst imaginable failed attempt to kill yourself (what might be worse, self-immolation but only from the waste down?) by a wacko (history of mental illness).

      I’m now more convinced this is in fact evidence in favor of Bob’s original feeling considering we are discussing bankers and this example is known irrational.

      And I”m not referring to Ken B.

  7. Matt M (Dude Where's My Freedom) says:

    I stand by my original theory back in the other post. Dude didn’t understand that the nail wouldn’t kill him instantly/wasn’t prepared for the pain. So after the unbelievable pain of the first nail, he just kept firing and firing until he was dead.

    • Andrew' says:

      Good theory. I’m no nailgun suicide expert, but the “right” way to do this would be to to zip tie the trigger and then zip tie the gun to a chair or table and then position yourself to bang…say…the back of your head against the nose safety button such that it would keep nailing you after you went unconscious as your head bounces up and down. YMMV

      • Andrew' says:

        Do it from your high rise window sill or with a noose. I’m a belt-and-suspenders guy.

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